Weeks 18/19: Fin

In 1994, movie critic Roger Ebert, upon reviewing the Rob Reiner flick "North", wrote a review that became so popular, he used an abbreviated version of it for the title of his book years later. I shall paraphrase the most famous lines of that review to describe my feelings on my particular workout:

I hate this workout. Hate hate hate hate hate this workout. Hate it.

Much like Reiner, at some point I had a severe lapse in judgment, only in my case, instead of hiring Elijah Wood and Bruce Willis, I decided I needed a workout that played to my worst fitness characteristic: flexibility. Time and time again, I've learned that my undoing every single time is my trust in myself. I cannot afford a workout that tells me I don't have to go to the gym six days a week, but only two. I can't have a workout that says in between my gym time, I should be doing other exercise activities. Stupid as it sounds, I need a workout that says, "On Monday, you're going to the gym. Tuesday, you're going to run five miles. Wednesday, you're not going to Burger King, etc., etc."

I'm happy to say that for now, Wednesday seems to be the only day I'm in compliance with.

*****

The whole idea for this workout started earlier this summer. I had been diligently pounding the gym six days a week since mid-April, and the results were astounding. 34 pounds lost in ten weeks, more than I could have hoped for. Even when I took a much-deserved Week Off, I still managed to lose another 4 pounds. But since then, I've only dropped 1.1 pounds. There were fluctuations each week, but still...that's pretty terrible. I don't think it's enough to say that eventually you'll hit a plateau. Of course I will, but not when I'm still about 60 lbs. overweight.

I have one more week of this godforsaken workout, then I'm starting a new one. That new one will be announced next weekend. Holls thinks I should go back to my old workout, and I agree, but not quite yet. As Winston Zeddemore says, "We've got the tools, we've got the talent!" Interpret that as you will. The new workout will not give me a ton of flexibility, but will get me back to that much-desired quality I so desperately seek: consistency. As in, "Wow, that guy sure is consistent in his workout routine," and not, "Wow, that guy is consistently spilling cheese on his belly."

In a related story, I now want cheese.


WEIGHT AFTER EIGHTEEN WEEKS - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, OCTOBER 4, 2010: 262.8 LBS. (-4.6 LBS.)

WEIGHT AFTER NINETEEN WEEKS - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2010: 262.6 LBS. (-0.2 LBS.)

*****

How do I feel at this exact moment? What the hell: On a scale of Olga Sherer to Gilbert Grape's mom, I'm Rob Reiner: got off to a blazing start, "consistently" continued to churn out awesome work, and then one bad mov(i)e and I have to start all over again. Also, one more week of so-so progress and I'm afraid Holls will start referring to me as "Meathead."

In a related story, I now want meat.