What have I done? My God, Body, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!
Apparently, I'm more fond of Weeks Off than I am Weeks On. So how does it stand now? Be prepared for a lot of information. You may need the data retention skills of Number 5 in order to understand what you're about to read:
WEIGHT AFTER SIXTEEN WEEKS - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, AUGUST 9, 2010: 265 LBS. (+0.4 LBS.)
WEIGHT AFTER WEEK OFF 2 - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, AUGUST 16, 2010: 265.4 LBS. (+0.4 LBS.)
WEIGHT AFTER SEVENTEEN WEEKS - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, AUGUST 23, 2010: 257.7 LBS. (-7.7 LBS.)
WEIGHT AFTER ONE HIATUS WEEK - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, AUGUST 30, 2010: 260.4 LBS. (+2.7 LBS.)
WEIGHT AFTER TWO HIATUS WEEKS - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2010: 263.5 LBS. (+3.1 LBS.)
WEIGHT AFTER THREE HIATUS WEEKS - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2010: 266.5 LBS. (+2 LBS.)
WEIGHT AFTER FOUR HIATUS WEEKS - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2010: 266.95 LBS. (+0.45 LBS.)
WEIGHT AFTER FIVE HIATUS WEEKS - MIDNIGHT, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2010: 267.4 LBS. (+0.45 LBS.)
In other words, blah dee blah dee fatass.
*****
So what exactly is a Hiatus Week? A term I coined while writing it for the first time above, a Hiatus Week is the technical term used to describe a palpable and sudden decline in cardiovascular and mental capabilities due to adult onset lethargy a.k.a. I just got tired of going to the gym, ok?
Let me explain something to you. While the rewards are so worth the trip every day to the gym, going to the gym, even if you're used to it, is a huge time commitment. And with my new job and the ever-changing schedule I must keep, there is no set time of 12:00 every day when I clock in. I just don't really feel like going in one day at 9am, and then turning around and not going in again until 9pm the next day. It frigs my body up.
And this is not some weird excuse to say it was all right to skip the gym. I'm not going into a Food Relapse or anything. I didn't black out and wake up with the blood of an entire roast beef caked all over my body. I will admit, though, that food has been somewhat of a problem lately. See, I discovered that eating healthy is verrrrry expensive. And if I'm going to spend a lot of money, I'd rather do it on something that gives me an immediate gratification, like beer or seeing the Jets lose. Eating risotto is delicious. Sitting comfortably because my wallet is empty sucks. Holls was doing a lot of the cooking. But her schedule is all messed up now, too, and it's not so fun to work an eight-hour shift, come home early in the afternoon, and cook an entire meal. It's just time to get back in the swing of things. I'm heading back to the gym this week.
Also, you should know I took a Week Off to go on vacation. Apparently, I had such a great time I decided to keep vacationing when I got back. What can I say? I've always had a soft spot for beer and hot dogs. That soft spot is somewhere beneath my slowly-expanding gut.
More after I polish off the rest of the roast bee - eeeans. Yes, beans I mean.
*****
Exercising's been out. Food's been on the fritz lately. You don't care about that. You just want to hear about my personal life, right?
Holls and I are still together. She hasn't changed her mind yet. I keep telling her that she has two years and plenty of opt-out clauses, but she's stubborn, and keeps saying she "loves me" and wants to "marry me." Apparently, I "asked her" and she said "yes." We're getting "married" to each "other," and we will live "happily ever after," "together."
We are still getting married in August 2012. We're narrowing the choices of venues down. So far, making the cut is PT's Showclub, our local Staples, and Pump 6 at the Irving's gas station on Westbrook St. in South Portland. Still crossing my fingers that she'll say yes to my honeymoon idea of courtside seats at a dogfight of her choice.
Holls is quitting her job! Just tired of it, I guess. Time to move on. She's not sure what she's going to do next. Whatever it is, I hope it's delicious. That's not a sexist joke or anything; she's just really good at cooking, and I'm good at eating cooking.
On a more serious note, on September 25, my mom, sister, aunt, and some mutual friends did the 2010 Memory Walk to benefit Alzheimer's research. My mom, who's been training for quite some time, led us all throughout the morning. We had a great time, shared some great laughs, and are looking forward to doing it again with even more fundraising next year! Please check out the Memory Walk page at
http://memorywalk2010.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=340219&lis=1&kntae340219=F4ACEE58D6D649EF94BA15D394065D55
Finally, my mother has also started a weight-related blog as well! Check it out at http://largeladyonthemove.blogspot.com/. She's a very good writer, and doesn't tell any embarrassing stories about me, so I'm hooked!
*****
How do I feel at this exact moment? On a scale of Olga Sherer to Gilbert Grape's mom, I'm Bobby Moynihan from Saturday Night live: not exorbitantly overweight, I have my moments, but it's been a while since you've seen me, and things haven't changed for the better. Still, funnier than Jimmy Fallon.
Jimmy Fallon thinks that's the funniest goddamn thing ever said, and just laughed midway through the joke, ruining it for everybody.
