A Test is a Pest, I must Suggest

DAY 5: FRIDAY, APRIL 16, 2010

When you take on a complete lifestyle change, the one thing that truly needs to change is your resolve. Without that, you might as well call it quits your first day, because if you can't motivate yourself, you can't succeed. With that being said, I discovered today that my resolve has changed. It was a tough test, but I mostly passed. Here's what happened.

Holls and I had a fight. For clarity's sake, the many different reasons this particular one started are unimportant (although I will say that struggling to find a new apartment certainly played a factor). The fight started in the morning, and pretty much continued until well past midnight. We weren't screaming at each other for 12+ hours or anything; it was just one of those fights that starts, you break for a while to let things stew, and you pick it up again hours later. And in this particular fight, neither one of us wanted to give an inch on our respective points.

There comes a certain point in any fight with a loved one where you start exercising massive self-restraint not to say something you will instantly regret. It happens to all of us. Well, as far as I'm concerned, that self-restraint gets used up trying not to say something stupid, and it pretty much lets your other inhibitions run wild.

For me, I get upset to a point where I start throwing caution to the wind, or more to the point, I really don't care what I eat anymore. I don't know why I'm wired to just run to food during those high and low emotional peaks; it makes no sense. Anyway, on this particular day, my dinner was supposed to be lentil chili: a healthy food. But at a certain point, I really didn't give a shit anymore what I ate. What did I want? Pizza, burgers, vat of Crisco, who the hell knows? All I knew was I was angry, I was hungry, and the only way I could fight back against my agitation was to disrupt my diet.

But something strange happened. Rather than pop open a bag of potato chips, I decided I needed to compromise with myself. Just a bit. If I wasn't going to eat the lentil chili, I couldn't allow myself to sit down to a Double-Quarter-Diet-Undoer with Cheese. I'm five days in, off to a great start, and here's the first test. I cannot allow myself to fold so early.

I went to Subway. NO, I had no illusions of Jared-like greatness. I just wanted to eat my dinner without any formal preparation other than pulling out my debit card. But what shall I get? An Italian BMT? How about an old favorite, the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki? Or how about the one that will propel me right back to my old ways, the foot-long, sauce-dripping, saliva-inducing, MEATBALL SUB? DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS.

It's the moment of truth. Can I allow myself to revert back to that guy from a week ago? Nobody would blame me if I allowed myself one treat during the week. I worked hard, I deserved it. And besides, I was still pissed; people turn to comfort food during those times. How shall I proceed?

"Hi, welcome to Subway. What can I get for you?"

(Oh damn, now they know I'm here! Well, I have to get something now! Say meatball sub, Say Meatball Sub, SAY MEATBALL SUB!!!!!!!!)

"I'll have a foot-long Veggie Delight on wheat bread, please."

("I knew I had him in the first round. Almighty God was with me. I want everyone to bear witness, I am the greatest! I'm the greatest thing that ever lived. I don't have a mark on my face, and I upset [Meatball Sub], and I just turned twenty-two years old. I must be the greatest. I showed the world. I talk to God everyday. I know the real God. I shook up the world, I'm the king of the world. You must listen to me. I am the greatest! I can't be beat!")

Was it the greatest accomplishment of the week? Probably not. But I passed the test for this one night. And no, I did not get chips or cookies or soda or anything. Just a bottle of water. Of course, the compromise part is that I ate the entire sandwich there in the shop, without saving half for the next day, so for this particular test, I give myself a B+.

And more importantly, we talked later that night, where two things happened:
1) we talked it out, and everything is okay now
2) no matter what diet you're on, lentil chili just doesn't sound appealing at all

(As for the workout, today was shoulders and arms day. Military Press, Triceps Pushdown, Biceps Curls, Wrist Curls, Ab Crunches and Incline Twisting Sit-Ups which, no matter how cool they look in Rocky, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.)